"I withdraw from the class to hide the fact that I don't have any money"
Frida doesn't want to be seen as poor, so she avoids social situations where it becomes apparent that she can't afford things.
When 16-year-old Frida started 10th grade in the middle of August this year, she and her mother received an introductory letter from the school that completely deflated their spirits. In the letter, the school stated that all students had to pay a deposit of 1,600 DKK by the end of the month for the class trip to Berlin later in the year.
"I immediately told my mom that I obviously can't go. We don't have 1,600 DKK."
Frida speaks matter-of-factly and composedly about the cancellation. As if it doesn't matter much whether she can go with her new class to Berlin. But that's not how she feels.
"I really want to go to Berlin. But the trip costs a total of 2,700 DKK plus spending money. I can't afford it."
So, Frida has to stay home while the others go. She has experienced this many times before. And she knows all too well the feeling of not really being part of the community.
Small white lies
"I'm not being excluded by the others. It's more like I withdraw myself because I can't participate in the things that the others can. If they want to go to a café after school, I say that I'm not hungry. If they want to go out for dinner together, I say that I have other plans. And if we've planned to go to Strøget (shopping street), I cancel at the last minute and say that I'm sick," she explains.
With these small white lies, Frida tries to avoid what would be the worst thing in the world for her: others discovering that she and her family don't have a lot of money. She fully understands that, from an outsider's perspective, being open about poverty may not be the worst thing in the world. That a tight budget doesn't make her, her parents, or her siblings any less valuable than other people. However, she absolutely doesn't want that gaze or label on her:
That's why Frida's real name is not Frida. Because she doesn't want to be recognized. She doesn't want to be pigeonholed as "the one who grows up in a poor family."
Pitching in with Grandma for dinner
Until recently, Frida lived with her mother, sister, and brother. But Frida struggles with anxiety and needs a calm environment, which is why she has temporarily moved in with her grandmother.
"I get along really well with my mom and siblings, and I see my mom every day. But my sister has PTSD, and my brother has ADHD, and there was unrest at home that didn't sit well with me. My mom pays for my phone bill. But she's on welfare, so I don't ask her for more. She has enough to worry about."
At her grandmother's place, Frida lives rent-free and has her own room. They split other expenses.
"After school, I work at Rema (grocery store) and earn around 1,200 DKK per month. Most of it goes towards food, cleaning supplies, shampoo, toothpaste, toilet paper, and stuff like that - for my grandmother and me. I use the ‘MineTilbud’ app, and we shop based on its offers. Then we freeze things. Yesterday, butter was 7 DKK. If I need clothes, I buy from Shein (webshop) where it's cheap," says Frida. She explains that her mother and sister go dumpster diving in supermarket containers and find many good items, especially vegetables.
"Kids like me learn the value of money"
There isn't much money to go around in Frida's teenage life, but it occupies her thoughts a lot. It feels stressful to depend on others' help, she explains while showing the bag of pens, ruler, and highlighters she received from someone who had extras. She talks about the computer her mother got for free from an acquaintance, so she can now avoid using the somewhat worn-out loaner laptops. She discusses the clothes her mother and sister found in the supermarket's dumpster. And she mentions that her grandmother gave her a youth bus pass, so she no longer has to travel without a ticket to and from school and constantly worry about getting caught.
"I think a lot about what I spend my money on. For example, I could never imagine paying 18 DKK for a PepsiMax at a kiosk like the others do. Once, I went along with my classmates to buy a shawarma. Afterwards, I regretted it for a long time because it was so unnecessary. I should have used that money for something I needed. I believe that kids like me become really good at understanding the value of money," she says.
About Frida
Frida is 16 years old, in the 10th grade, and normally lives with her mother and two siblings, but is currently staying with her grandmother. Egmont knows Frida's real name.
All the pictures in the article are stock photos.